20110209

No meu baú

Achei issos, que acho que nunca publiquei:
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Repente
Duas estrofes depois, se agarravam.


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Benefit of the doubt

Dear, how much does my head aches, and how much do I miss you. You are probably unable to understand the feelings that wander through my head while I finally have the guts to pick up my pen to write down these miserable words, which I pronounce right now, in vain, for I know there is — and there will be — no one who will ever listen to whatever I say. You, dear, was the only one ever to get my thoughts, perhaps even before they occurred to me, and although I regret this fact for it forced me into doing what I did, I couldn’t love you more by the time.
When you left, I remained in silence for three days and three nights, until I could realize that you was never going to come back, and that life had to move on, for death would move on regardless of the will of the living. I did not kill you for succumbing for a vain emotion, and also did I not kill you in the regular and terrible meaning of the word, but I killed you, indeed, when I let you leave, and when I was unfaithful, and when I told you that I was so. I killed you perhaps on the vilest of ways, and you forgave me by the last time you looked on my face and touched me and called for me and I was never able to answer your callings, and I was never able to say whatever I had to say, and perhaps I really had nothing.
But now I found a way to deliver you this message, and that is why I took all of the courage I have and picked the pen and now I’m writing without thinking, for if I do think, I’ll perhaps lose the strength I need to do what is required to send you this late letter. I’ll have to stop writing by the end of the text and, without a last reading, eat this paper and perhaps it will fill my throat and obstruct it and I will then die, and it will be a good thing, for my message will have been delivered. Or, else, I’ll have to do it by myself, and I hope I’m strong enough for doing so, because I wouldn’t want you to think of me as a weak man for the whole eternity.
But, then again, if I am not strong enough, you will never know it.
 

2 comentários:

  1. Ainda não consegui ler o segundo, mas achei o primeiro bem legal.

    Aliás, parabéns pela conquista!

    ResponderExcluir
  2. Conquista? Do Império Bizantino? Da Honra? Da Bastilha?

    Ah, tá, pqp, entendi. Obrigado, obrigado. Deixo as indagações acima como registro do meu raciocínio lento.

    ResponderExcluir