No meu baú

Achei issos, que acho que nunca publiquei:
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Repente
Duas estrofes depois, se agarravam.


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Benefit of the doubt

Dear, how much does my head aches, and how much do I miss you. You are probably unable to understand the feelings that wander through my head while I finally have the guts to pick up my pen to write down these miserable words, which I pronounce right now, in vain, for I know there is — and there will be — no one who will ever listen to whatever I say. You, dear, was the only one ever to get my thoughts, perhaps even before they occurred to me, and although I regret this fact for it forced me into doing what I did, I couldn’t love you more by the time.

When you left, I remained in silence for three days and three nights, until I could realize that you was never going to come back, and that life had to move on, for death would move on regardless of the will of the living. I did not kill you for succumbing for a vain emotion, and also did I not kill you in the regular and terrible meaning of the word, but I killed you, indeed, when I let you leave, and when I was unfaithful, and when I told you that I was so. I killed you perhaps on the vilest of ways, and you forgave me by the last time you looked on my face and touched me and called for me and I was never able to answer your callings, and I was never able to say whatever I had to say, and perhaps I really had nothing.

But now I found a way to deliver you this message, and that is why I took all of the courage I have and picked the pen and now I’m writing without thinking, for if I do think, I’ll perhaps lose the strength I need to do what is required to send you this late letter. I’ll have to stop writing by the end of the text and, without a last reading, eat this paper and perhaps it will fill my throat and obstruct it and I will then die, and it will be a good thing, for my message will have been delivered. Or, else, I’ll have to do it by myself, and I hope I’m strong enough for doing so, because I wouldn’t want you to think of me as a weak man for the whole eternity.

But, then again, if I am not strong enough, you will never know it.